Anger Management- How to Control Your Anger in 3 Quick Steps

By: Carlos Duran

Anger management is searched online by over 3 million Americans every year who are looking to help themselves or someone they love with controlling anger. If you don’t take any attitude, lip, smack, backtalk, don’t let anyone get away with anything and make darn sure people show you some respect…if you’re quick to flare up, long to forgive and nearly never forget… then this will be the most important article you read this year. Because this type of take-no-prisoners attitude is a sure-fire way to destroy your life in a blinding ocean of anger and the 3 steps to tame your rage revealed here could become the only lifesaving vessel available out of your perfect storm.

Perception Exposed

When something happens that sets you off or someone does something to really work you up, remember we all use different filters of perception. We all see the same thing in a different way. There is a high chance of probability the person or people who are making you angry don’t know they are doing it and are not acting to make you angry on purpose. It’s like having 100 people looking at a coin, depending on where they are standing, they all see something different. It could be 50 of them see tails and 50 of them see heads, but all 100 of them are looking at the same coin. We could all be looking at the same situation, going through the same experience yet have totally different views and feelings about what we see and feel.  The ancient tribes of Latin America called this part of life’s Maya (illusion). Don’t be fooled by the illusion of perception.

Be patient. Breathe deeply and repeat. Remove yourself from the situation and remember we often sense too much confidence in what we think we know, we make no room for any other possibility or different interpretation. Think of how limited we can be in perception, how many things are going on all around us yet how few of them we are aware of. Take time to calm down and then ask the person who upset you what they meant by their action or words. Give them a chance to explain and do not jump to conclusions or cut them off. Listen to them until they are done and then do not go off in rage. If you still feel betrayed, angry or frustrated simply tell them you feel so and leave. Look for quiet personal spaces you can get cool and collected in. If you are dealing with your kids, don’t physically discipline them when you are angry and boiling over. Wait till you are calm and if you still feel they deserve a spanking, do it without aggression or violence and never do it in the heat of the moment. Always remember, it is you who controls your reaction and how other people make you feel.

Proactive Formula

Emotions are powerful and when you are first transforming anger out of your life some challenges feel impossible to overcome. You can feel like you are always reacting to a situation instead of dealing with it proactively. That is why Kabbalah teaches an ancient formula anyone can use for eliminating anger out of their life. Its name simply translates to The Proactive Formula. Here is the first step…

Stop. When you feel the acid in your stomach boiling up, your head is getting hot and yours ears closing in. Just stop. Don’t think, don’t react. Disconnect yourself from everything and create a small space.  Ask yourself if you would prefer to have the space filled with love or anger. If you want to have love come in to the space, then let the Light Force work for you. No matter what you call your Creator, ask for the Love of your Creator to fill the space with its Light.

Step two is to let go. Release your usual reaction of screaming, throwing or hitting and connect to the love you requested fill the small space. Recognize you usually react to this type of situation in a destructive manner and you now have a chance to be proactive; you have a chance to try something new.

Step three is to take action on your proactive feeling. Maybe it is to leave the room, or to put down the plate instead of slamming it against the wall, perhaps you decide to not speak instead of yell. What is important is your new action not be your destructive old reaction. Your proactive feelings and actions will grow from small victories to major triumphs where you actually laugh at things that used to make you tremble with living rage.

Put It In Your Mouth

Your mouth is like a hundred lane super-highway for micro vehicles transporting tons of positive and negative energy in and out of your life. The things coming in and out of our mouth impact your anger triggers. Whether you like it or not, what you say and what you eat have a direct effect on how often and how intense your anger rises. For example, eating under the stress of anger can cause spasms in your bile ducts producing excessive bile when you are angry. The bile becomes toxic in the body when excessively produced and leads to stomach ulcers, cancer, bouts of depression and fatigue. These illnesses in turn produce more anger in your life.

How you speak and the words you use record themselves into your subconscious and energize your environment. We all act according to our thoughts and feelings. Think how excited everyone acts when the words being spoken and the atmosphere are positive. Versus when the words in the air are negative, how heavy and unbearable it becomes and how horrid the feeling in the room can be. If you are looking to master your anger, then you need to consider both nutrition and meditation or prayer as key tools on your road to success.

Meditation and prayer at the start of each day helps you set your intentions. How you want to behave, feel, think and act for the day. By using simple prayer and mediation you can generate the power of miracles in your life. You can use the life and love force flowing in the Universe to help you be proactive and overcome angry explosions. Enjoy a vocabulary rich in sweet words, positive statements and constructive comments.

Your food diet is also important. Avoid red meat, liquor and fried fats. Eat healthy foods that free up your colon and cool your digestive system. Fresh vegetables and cold fruits help your brain release chemicals which cheer you up and make you feel happier. Look to not eat foods which you notice make you feel depressed or slow. And definitely stay away from liquor which taxes your liver and plays with your emotions.

When most people hear the words homicide and war they think about a conflict between countries or an innocent bystander stabbed to death in the street. This is only one way of looking at it. When your anger hurts others, it is killing them. It kills a piece of their dignity, of their happiness and worse it kills off their trust in you. When fights break out with beatings and broken glass, this is war. However small and isolated, violent angry outbreaks of battles are personal wars resulting from anger. The little things we do in our personal life, add to the bigger problems manifesting in the world. Like the now famous song from The Lion King, “It’s the circle of life”. In western society, the saying is “What goes around comes around.” If you are putting out anger and violence what do you think will be coming back around to you, to your life, family and ultimately coming back around to world at large?

Take each of the 3 steps outlined here with the certainty that you can control your anger instead of being controlled by it. Take each step, one day at a time and never lose sight of how wonderful an anger free life can be. Pretty soon you will not only be dreaming about a peaceful fulfilling life, you will be living one.

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–Carlos Duran is a professional writer raised in the mean streets of New York and New Jersey during the Crack Era of the late 80’s and 90’s. His life journey transformed a sinister-mind into one of peace and inspired him to share the spiritual short-cuts he learned with the World. His website http://www.answersyoucanuse.com publishes inside information from leading experts and super-minds on spiritual growth, natural healing and finding love, along with secrets you can use to generate peace, power and prosperity in your own life… To contact the author email: Carlos@answersyoucanuse.com

 

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Source by Carlos Duran

Coping With the Death of a Loved One: the Least Used Resource

Unknown to the general public as well as the mass media, millions of people mourning the death of a loved one have an experience in which they are convinced they have received a sign or a message from the deceased or a divine being. However, mourners are often reluctant to widely discuss the event out of fear they will be labeled negatively and lose valuable support in their journey to reinvest in life.

These encounters have nothing to do with a psychic; they are not invoked, but occur spontaneously.

The word spontaneously is a key understanding. As many who have had the experience testify, they were not thinking about the loved one, yet the experience came seemingly out of nowhere—and from an outside source. It was not something manufactured by the unconscious mind.

Of critical importance is the fact that the experience brings solace and comfort and often opens up a whole new level of awareness reconnecting the mourner to their spiritual roots and a new relationship with the deceased.

Regrettably, some family members, counselors (including psychiatrists), and friends of the mourner often dismiss the experience as an artifact of grief, the product of a mind that cannot accept the death of the loved one. Historically, the scientific community has commonly dismissed the contact as an illusion or hallucination. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In general, people who report the experience are as sound and sane as anyone could be. They know they have been given a gift of love and caring to assist in coping with the transition of dealing with the massive changes associated with accepting death. It becomes a significant resource in establishing a healthy continuing bond with the deceased and reduces the perception of isolation so often felt.

Having studied the phenomena for over 25 years, I have chronicled fifteen different types of contacts and labeled them Extraordinary Experiences (EEs). Other researchers have called them after-death communications, while those who receive them often say they are spiritual experiences. They range from sensing the presence or hearing the voice of the loved one to smelling a particular scent or having an incredible dream in which the loved one says he or she is okay. Sometimes a third person is involved, often a child, who is given the experience and then passes it on to the primary mourner. Unusual natural signs of rainbows or the behavior of butterflies, pets, or wildlife as well as the unexpected movement of pictures or objects associated with the deceased have also proved meaningful.

These communications can be used in a variety of ways in coping with loss. For example, memories are important grieving tools and EEs provide a rich network of images for positive recall. They can also be used as a symbol to motivate the mourner to adapt to the changes imposed by loss or as reminder to work on new skills or routines needed in their life without the beloved.

If you have had an Extraordinary Experience, or if you are helping someone cope with the loss of a loved one, make every effort to become aware of the nature of these mysterious gifts, the wide variety of meanings they hold, and the resource they can become for everyone. Love truly lives on and the death of a loved one never means the relationship dies. Our deceased loved ones will always be part of our lives.

You can learn more about EEs by going to http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com/ or http://www.christineduminiak.com or reading some of the books and articles that have been written about this most helpful phenomenon. Use or assist others in using this untapped resource for the rich opportunity it provides in keeping the memory of a deceased loved one vibrant and alive throughout the healing process and beyond.

Source by Louis LaGrand, Ph.D.

The Truth About Unhealthy Relationships And The 3 Options

Unhealthy relationships are like chronic diseases in that they tend to go on for a very long time. But if you are unhappy in a relationship, there are three options, but before we consider them, let us look more closely at why these things happen. If you are hesitant about initiating a break up, it may be because you have made a commitment .

 Let us look at the easiest option. It is so easy that you do not have to do anything! That is right – thousands of couples just stay in unhealthy relationships for years on end and never do anything about it.  While this is the easiest option, it is often the worst one because it may be impossible to turn the whole relationship round when the time comes to save it or when you want to escape from it.  

 Let us look at the second option and this is where you have decided to take action because unhealthy relationships cause endless misery and unhappiness. You have had enough so you have opted for action. Easier said than done, of course.  You are on a repair mission and this is going to need some clear thinking . You will need an understanding partner or at least a partner who is willing to move from his or her fortress and come down the rocky slope to meet you on the way up!

If you can persuade your partner that you are doing the repair job together then just think of the rewards because you are laying the foundations for a very stable relationship which will last for ever!  This option is impossible to carry out solo so make sure you have your partner onboard before you even try. This is a tandem so no lone cyclists in this  lane!

 Unhealthy relationships are like diseases so sooner or later, the relationship will die. This is the third option where you decide to break up and move on before you both go crazy. It is a bit like euthanasia.  This is the point where you cannot bear any longer the arguments, recriminations, accusations, fighting, screaming and corrosive silences.  The suffering you are going through now will probably be matched by more suffering on facing loneliness but loneliness will be an acute condition rather than a chronic disease.

You may need help to decide which option to choose and you may need counselling. Counselling can help you with how to repair things in a relationship or if there are mental obstacles, they can help with that too.

To sum up then, unhealthy relationships can be tolerated, repaired or terminated. It is quite simple but deciding will be difficult and you will need all the support you can get so make sure that your supportive friends are recruited to help you.

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Source by Malachy OToole

Anger Management – Dispelling the Myths of Anger

Overview

People have been told all their lives that it’s okay to get angry. However, anger has no positive attributes. It upsets us and those around us.  Anger prevents us from thinking logically and solving our problems. 

Anger causes us to identify ourselves as victims.  When we get angry it is always because someone or some situation has done something to us.  Angry people feel victimized and helpless but convince themselves that they are in a superior position because they are right and the other person is wrong.

Anger also adversely affects a person’s health, including precipitating heart attacks, increasing blood pressure, and decreasing immunity to diseases. It is for these reasons that it is important to reduce the level of anger you experience.

Characteristics of Angry People

In my Brooklyn NY office and my telephone counseling practice it has been my experience that people who are angry about one situation tend to have difficulty with anger management in many situations.

People with anger management issues can be divided into two overlapping groups:

A) Controlling people who have a long list of expectations about how the world should work and how people should behave, and

B) Unassertive people who are anxious more often than angry.  These people may get angry when they are quite certain that they have been taken advantage of or criticized.  The flip side of unassertiveness is anger.

Changing the Perception of Anger

In treating people in my office and telephone counseling practice I have found that it is important to change a person’s conception of anger.  I accomplish this by explaining how it is reinforced. This helps anger management patient’s to better understand and to avoid their anger. 

People with poor anger management see their anger as justified and see it as being caused by others and/or situations not meeting their reasonable expectations. However, reasonable expectations are not necessarily rational.  It’s reasonable to expect that a spouse will put the cap back on the toothpaste, but it is not rational to expect when they have consistently forgotten over the past twelve years.  It is reasonable to expect good service in a restaurant, but it is not rational to expect good service every time. 

People tend to equate getting angry with registering a complaint and attempting to change others’ behaviors.  As time goes on and they have become angry repeatedly over the same situation or behavior, their anger only increases. They do not adjust their expectations and they become adamant that the disturbing situation must change.  However, situations and behaviors rarely change in response to anger.  People become more defensive and less flexible in response to anger.

Whether an individual chooses online counseling, telephone counseling or tradition in-office counseling, learning to be less angry may or may not help to change another person’s behavior, but at the very least it reduces the physical and emotional damage that anger brings.

Source by Merny Schwartz, Ph.D

Helping Others In Need

“There is more happiness in giving

than in receiving.”

Acts, 20:35

“In helping others, we shall help ourselves,

for whatever good we give out completes the circle

and comes back to us.”

Flora Edwards

“To do more for the world than the world does for you – that is success.”

Henry Ford

“The more I help others to succeed, the more I succeed.”

Ray Kroc

After people reach their success they realize that there is more to the world then just themselves. This is why we hear stories of many people training other people to become leaders as well as helping out less fortunate people in the world.

Once you have reached success and generated large amounts of cash flow then you will be able to invest it in the good hope in the success of others for them to reach their goals and their ultimate happiness in their lives as well. When you have so much money and once you have already establish yourself and what you have always wanted then you will have a lot of extra money left over as well as time.

You should still save and invest your money properly as well as your time because in reality YOU should always be number one and put yourself first. You should also invest a little bit of time and money to people who need it more than you do to help them get to where you are and where they want to be as long as they are showing interest and making positive choices.

This includes investing the time and money into people who want to become leaders in your organization for network marketing. If you do not train them properly then they will never have any motivation to succeed because they will be lost. It is up to you in order to make them successful and develop a professional coaching relationship until they get to their goals and beyond.

Once you have reached the peak of your success and have settled into everything that you want then you will be able to find the time and money to donate to people in need. There are many starving and homeless people out there that need everything they can just to survive. But your first priority is to keep yourself established first.

There are people out there who will need money more that you do and that is why it is important to distribute your wealth fairly. In order to be a person of high class and respect you have to show that you respect the ways of life of other people and that you have a huge heart in making others reach their desires and imagination as well after you have reached your own happiness and satisfaction in life.

The wealth in the world is so unbalanced and when you find out how to make it and succeed with the wealth and happiness that you want then it will be time for you to spread that to others to make sure they are meeting their happiness as well. This concept of helping others makes most people feel good inside that they invested their time to make someone else happier.

Remember that by doing something good for others we are actually doing something good for ourselves by making ourselves feel good about how we are inspiring others to find happiness in their lives after we have found our own wealth and happiness. Remember the quote that says there is more happiness in giving then receiving.

Source by BMcBride

Managing Stress Due To The Death Of Our Loved Ones

You can recall clearly the day your father took you for your first bicycle ride. It was a crisp autumn day and the sun was shining on your brand new Huffy. You remember his hand gently guiding your bike along the road that ran by your apartment building. You even recall his smile as you began steering your bike on your own.

The memory lingers with you as you begin to make preparations for your father’s burial. He had had a long illness cancer and you knew that the end would be coming soon. Yet, you now think that nothing could have prepared you for the day when he actually died.

While you anticipated a period of mourning, you failed to realize that you would encounter a great deal of stress as a result of his death. You may be surprised even shocked by the amount of stress you feel.

We seldom associate death with stress, yet the death of a loved one is one of the most stressful events that can happen in our lives. Whether it is the death of a parent, a spouse, a child, a sibling, or a beloved friend, death makes us anxious not only about our loss, but about our own mortality.

The most stressful aspect of death may be the fear of the unknown you may not know what to expect next, and you may wonder how you will handle the next obstacle that comes your way.

The most important thing you can do to deal with death-related stress is to recognize it for what it is. Realize that it is perfectly natural for you to feel worried and anxious during this difficult time.

Try to give yourself some time to pause and reflect. Don’t feel as if you have to hurry up and get over the death. Allowing yourself an opportunity to grieve should help to reduce your stress level and make you a healthier person, emotionally speaking.

One thing you can do to help you deal with the stress is to do something positive to remember your loved one by. In other words, consider planting a tree, making a contribution to your loved one’s favorite charity, or volunteering your time at the nursing home that cared for your loved one in his or her final days. Discovering that life still offers pleasant possibilities gives you hope and can help you to deal with your stress more effectively.

Give considerable thought to how your loved one would want you to carry on after his or her death. Chances are great your father, mother, husband, or brother would not want you sulking in the corner for the rest of your life. Give yourself permission to go on with life. As a result, you should feel less stress and you should enjoy life more.

Another effective stress-reducing technique is to commit your thoughts to paper. Writing can be quite therapeutic and can help you gain perspective on your situation. The process of writing can improve your problem-solving skills, making you better able to cope with your situation. Also, give yourself time to re-read your journal entries. You might be amazed at how much you’ve grown, emotionally-speaking, over a short period of time.

If the stress of death becomes overwhelming, by all means seek the help of a professional. A counselor can help you to sort out your feelings and recommend coping techniques. You might find it quite liberating to talk to another individual about everything you’re feeling inside. In some cases, you might also want to consult with a psychiatrist to see if there is some medication you can take that will help you deal with death-related anxiety.

All of us will experience the death of someone close to us at some time in our lives. Therefore, we can expect to deal with the stress of losing someone we love.

However, it’s good to know that there are positive things we can do to help us deal more effectively with the stress related to death. While, in a certain sense, we may never get over a loved one’s death, we can learn to cope with the loss. We may even learn to smile again.

Source by Paul Hata

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

Recognizing Unhealthy Relationships

One of the keys to obtaining a better life or living arrangement is to assess the quality of relationships that you surround yourself with. Do you surround yourself with loving relationships or unhealthy relationships? For someone that has a pattern or history with unhealthy relationships, the difference between the two may be difficult to decipher.

Healthy relationships are relationships that add to our well being, not subtract. They bring out the best of us by being supportive of our goals and our inner selves. Unhealthy relationships often cause us stress and subtract from our well being, often leaving us feeling depleted of energy.

Relationships are opportunities to express these aspects of self. An opportunity is nothing more than a time and place to demonstrate that you are a kind person or a cruel person or whatever. All of life needs to express itself, and getting involved with another is that opportunity that you have drawn to yourself to say “here I am,” “I am kind,” “I am cruel,” or anything else that you wish to express.

This is the purpose of the relative world. It is the forum, the time and place to experience what you believe that you are and to declare it.

Personal relationships with lovers, partners, family, relatives, friends and strangers facilitate expression of your being. Without relationships you would be nothing because you could not express yourself and you could not declare that you are one thing or the other.

As we change our inner definition or template of our male and female selves to a place of balance and self-acceptance, we are able to attract someone who is more reflective of our true counterpart. Even if we are balanced with our inner masculine reflection, if we do not like our own femininity, we would be unable to create a truly balanced relationship for ourselves.

When you acknowledge your love relationships are at the top of your values list and live accordingly, you will naturally do what you need to do to build and keep good relationships. Keeping their importance in mind as you live your relationships will provide a filter which will ensure you ‘do the right thing’ moment to moment. Good relationships are built over time with creative effort, care and attention. Many people make great efforts to get hitched and then let themselves go, becoming lazy and indifferent to their relationship. Couples in good relationships do the opposite. They constantly work to keep adding value to the relationship. Happy couples are thoughtful of each other. They invest time, energy and money in expressing their love and demonstrating their love in creative, fun ways that honor each other and make their relationship so good.

Follow your intuition. If something doesn’t feel right to you with a relationship then pay attention to those feelings. They are there for a reason. Some people can grow together inside their relationships and some may have to grow apart. The key is to look at ourselves and our relationships in their truest light.

Know that each one of us is entitled to have a loving relationship or friendship. We are worthy of receiving love just as we are worthy of giving it. True partnership fills our cups with abundance, joy, and solidarity, a gift that multiplies within our hearts and our families.

Source by Reeva

Anger Management – 12 Types Of Anger Exposed

Anger is of different types, and can be classified into categories. Recognizing the classification of your anger will help you deal with it better in the long run.

1. Behavioral Anger: When a person experiences behavioral anger, he or she usually confronts the subject that angers them, which is usually another person. Physical harm may follow verbal rudeness. Such are the characteristics of behavioral anger.
2. Chronic Anger: A person that suffers from chronic anger does not always have a rational explanation of why he is angry all the time. Such people hate the world that they live in, hate themselves, hate everybody else and generally fly into tempers at the slightest motivation.
3. Constructive Anger: A person who deals with his anger by canalizing the anger into a constructive path such as self improvement is said to have constructive anger. This is often a result of self help and anger management courses.
4. Deliberate Anger: When a person deliberately poses as he has anger, often as a ploy to control subordinates, this type is called deliberate anger. It is usually a fake enacting of anger, but could escalate into other forms of anger occasionally. Deliberate anger also leaves quickly, especially when confronted.
5. Judgmental Anger: people suffering from this form of anger usually put other people down in front of gatherings, to try and make themselves look superior.
6. Overwhelming anger: As the name suggests, this form of anger exists when the emotion has really got to the root of a person. People experiencing overwhelming anger just cannot stand the situation they are in, and often find destructive means of relieving themselves by self hurt or by hurting other people physically.
7. Paranoid Anger: The paranoid form of anger is totally without just cause. People often work themselves into a frenzy imagining that someone were against them. This is called paranoid anger.
8. Passive Anger: This is a somewhat controlled form of anger where the person experiencing it does not directly show his anger. Instead he resorts to mocking the person who angers him, in a sarcastic manner.
9. Retaliatory Anger: This happens as a result of another person’s anger towards you. When you retaliate in self defense in an angry manner, this is called retaliatory anger.
10. Self Inflicted Anger: Here, a person who is angry with himself punishes himself by inflicting pain upon his own body. This is a common phenomenon with drug addicts.
11. Verbal Anger: Here, the only damage that is done is verbal abuse to other people. This could often be the beginning of other forms of anger.
12. Volatile Anger: This could range from mild anger to an absolute fury, and leaves just as suddenly as it comes. The intensity and the time depends on how well it is controlled by the individual.

Source by Abhishek Agarwal