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By: Coyalita Linville B.H.R.S.
Many of us become so afraid of our perpetrator we are afraid to hardly breathe much less leave or try to escape the situation. Some of us survive it and so many others do not whether adults or children. Many of us try to escape yet we are tracked down and tormented relentlessly by the perpetrator to the point that to finally get a few minutes peace we return to find ourselves still in the violence year after year until we just want to commit suicide because there seems to be no other way out of it.
When you have children you are in constant fear they will be killed before your eyes or you will be before theirs. There is no safety, no peace, just a continual fear that makes you terrified that somehow you will displease the perpetrator in one way or another by simply being in their presence. You are told you cannot do anything right, you are stupid, you are ugly, you make them sick, and millions of other put downs they can come up with to make you feel less than their dog and they cheat on you. If you do get guts enough to leave then they want to threaten they are going to kill you, kill your children,parents, children, and any other family as well as kill themselves, if you go, or do not come back home.
You are not allowed to have any money of your own, nor allowed to buy anything for yourself and nothing for the children and let them know it. Pray that they do not see new clothing or anything that you bought for you without their knowledge.
Domestic Violence beats you down until you feel hatred for the perpetrator, you are in constant fear of your life and begin to hate yourself as well because no matter what you seem to do it is not right, not good enough and you are ugly and stupid. For those of us are are able to escape we find ourselves lost with no real direction but to stay free. We have anger issues, low self esteem, and fear within us. What do we do now?
First thing go and get counseling for yourself and children if you have them. If not just go for you. You have been a prisoner, abused, beaten and more than likely have forgotten how to live outside of the violence. KNOW you are NOT ugly, not stupid, and very capable of making it on your own and raising your children on your own if you have them.
Second, when you wake up in the mornings make a promise to yourself that “No matter what I am never going back!” and stick to it, no matter the threats, stalking and what anyone else has to say. Unfortunately we have parents out there that thinks “it is better for you to be with that person than to be alone in the world.” I have heard that one myself.
Third, below are some great self help books you can read if you wish that will help to guide you from those who have experienced what you have been through. Domestic Violence just did not happen in you life there are millions of women and men who experience it daily. And trust me when I say “there is no real love in domestic violence relationships.”
There are ways to escape and live a normal life and there are safe houses as well as agencies who help those alone and with children to get back to a normal life and escape this horrible imprisonment. “YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE.”
Most of us who are abused realize that it is just that “abuse” and yet we find ourselves repeatedly going through the same old -same old everyday living in fear, anger and emotional upheaval. If you are NOT certain you are being abused by family members or in a relationship then the following quiz will help you to decide.
Does your partner, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your friend, your caretaker, or a family member:
Make you feel uncomfortable or afraid?
Often put you down, humiliate you, or make you feel worthless?
Constantly check up on what you’re doing or where you are going?
Try to stop you from seeing your own friends or family?
Make you feel afraid to disagree or say ‘no’ to them?
Constantly accuse you of flirting with others when this isn’t true?
Tell you how the household finances should be spent, or stop you having any money for yourself?
Stop you from having medical assistance?
Scare or hurt you by being violent (like hitting, choking, smashing things, locking you in, driving dangerously to frighten you)
Pressure or force you to do sexual things that you don’t want to do?
Threaten to hurt you, or to kill themselves if you say you want to end the relationship?
Have your children heard or seen these things or been hurt themselves?
Signs of Abuse
If you have answered ‘yes’ to any of these, then there are signs that you are not being treated right, or that you are being abused. if you don’t feel safe, respected and cared for, then something isn’t right.
The largest group of at-risk children are runaway, thrown away, or homeless American children who use survival sex to acquire food, shelter, clothing, and other things needed to survive on America’s streets. According to the National Runaway Switchboard 1.3 million runaway and homeless youth live on America’s streets every day. [5,000 die each year] It would not be surprising to learn that the number of children trafficked in the United States is actually much higher than 300,000.
Children are often targeted by traffickers as they are deemed easier to manipulate than adults. More money can be earned by younger girls and boys exploited in sexual exploitation, especially virgins. Pre-pubescent girls are reported to be injected with hormones to bring on puberty. Younger girls are expected to have a greater earning potential, and as such are in greater demand.
Help STOP Children From Being Homeless Today – “Please Give” Now
Homelessness: The Facts. Every year 600,000 families with 1.35 million children experience homelessness in the United States, making up about 50 percent of the homeless population over the course of the year (source). Domestic violence is the immediate cause of homelessness for many women and children.”
Child Abuse is ongoing daily before our eyes at the supermarket, bus stop, or walking and driving down the street. We see child abuse occurring and how often do we stop to prevent it?
Child abuse occurs in families whether homeless families or behind closed doors within every society today. It is an age old ripple in families since the beginning of time and today we need to find help for those who commit it, establish more stringent and powerful laws concerning the issue and crimes, as well as provide support for the children who survive it. Unfortunately, some children do not always survive child abuse as you well know they either die, suffer from nightmares, mental torture with recall of the events of childhood trauma as adults, and more than likely abuse their own children. For adults have learned through social learning within the home that is the way to correct children. (Of course, this is not in every case valid).
Child Abuse is defined as “when a parent or caregiver, whether through action or failing to act, causes injury, death, emotional harm or risk of serious harm to a child. There are many forms of child maltreatment, including neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, exploitation and emotional abuse.”
Every year more than 3.6 million referrals are made to child protection agencies involving more than 6.6 million children (a referral can include multiple children).
The United States has one of the worst records among industrialized nations – losing on average between four and seven children every day to child abuse and neglect.
Yearly, referrals to state child protective services involve 6.6 million children, and around 3.2 million of those children are subject to an investigated report.
Help Support Our Cause For These Children and Fight Child Abuse Today Donate Here:
By: Carlos Duran
Anger management is searched online by over 3 million Americans every year who are looking to help themselves or someone they love with controlling anger. If you don’t take any attitude, lip, smack, backtalk, don’t let anyone get away with anything and make darn sure people show you some respect…if you’re quick to flare up, long to forgive and nearly never forget… then this will be the most important article you read this year. Because this type of take-no-prisoners attitude is a sure-fire way to destroy your life in a blinding ocean of anger and the 3 steps to tame your rage revealed here could become the only lifesaving vessel available out of your perfect storm.
When something happens that sets you off or someone does something to really work you up, remember we all use different filters of perception. We all see the same thing in a different way. There is a high chance of probability the person or people who are making you angry don’t know they are doing it and are not acting to make you angry on purpose. It’s like having 100 people looking at a coin, depending on where they are standing, they all see something different. It could be 50 of them see tails and 50 of them see heads, but all 100 of them are looking at the same coin. We could all be looking at the same situation, going through the same experience yet have totally different views and feelings about what we see and feel. The ancient tribes of Latin America called this part of life’s Maya (illusion). Don’t be fooled by the illusion of perception.
Be patient. Breathe deeply and repeat. Remove yourself from the situation and remember we often sense too much confidence in what we think we know, we make no room for any other possibility or different interpretation. Think of how limited we can be in perception, how many things are going on all around us yet how few of them we are aware of. Take time to calm down and then ask the person who upset you what they meant by their action or words. Give them a chance to explain and do not jump to conclusions or cut them off. Listen to them until they are done and then do not go off in rage. If you still feel betrayed, angry or frustrated simply tell them you feel so and leave. Look for quiet personal spaces you can get cool and collected in. If you are dealing with your kids, don’t physically discipline them when you are angry and boiling over. Wait till you are calm and if you still feel they deserve a spanking, do it without aggression or violence and never do it in the heat of the moment. Always remember, it is you who controls your reaction and how other people make you feel.
Emotions are powerful and when you are first transforming anger out of your life some challenges feel impossible to overcome. You can feel like you are always reacting to a situation instead of dealing with it proactively. That is why Kabbalah teaches an ancient formula anyone can use for eliminating anger out of their life. Its name simply translates to The Proactive Formula. Here is the first step…
Stop. When you feel the acid in your stomach boiling up, your head is getting hot and yours ears closing in. Just stop. Don’t think, don’t react. Disconnect yourself from everything and create a small space. Ask yourself if you would prefer to have the space filled with love or anger. If you want to have love come in to the space, then let the Light Force work for you. No matter what you call your Creator, ask for the Love of your Creator to fill the space with its Light.
Step two is to let go. Release your usual reaction of screaming, throwing or hitting and connect to the love you requested fill the small space. Recognize you usually react to this type of situation in a destructive manner and you now have a chance to be proactive; you have a chance to try something new.
Step three is to take action on your proactive feeling. Maybe it is to leave the room, or to put down the plate instead of slamming it against the wall, perhaps you decide to not speak instead of yell. What is important is your new action not be your destructive old reaction. Your proactive feelings and actions will grow from small victories to major triumphs where you actually laugh at things that used to make you tremble with living rage.
Put It In Your Mouth
Your mouth is like a hundred lane super-highway for micro vehicles transporting tons of positive and negative energy in and out of your life. The things coming in and out of our mouth impact your anger triggers. Whether you like it or not, what you say and what you eat have a direct effect on how often and how intense your anger rises. For example, eating under the stress of anger can cause spasms in your bile ducts producing excessive bile when you are angry. The bile becomes toxic in the body when excessively produced and leads to stomach ulcers, cancer, bouts of depression and fatigue. These illnesses in turn produce more anger in your life.
How you speak and the words you use record themselves into your subconscious and energize your environment. We all act according to our thoughts and feelings. Think how excited everyone acts when the words being spoken and the atmosphere are positive. Versus when the words in the air are negative, how heavy and unbearable it becomes and how horrid the feeling in the room can be. If you are looking to master your anger, then you need to consider both nutrition and meditation or prayer as key tools on your road to success.
Meditation and prayer at the start of each day helps you set your intentions. How you want to behave, feel, think and act for the day. By using simple prayer and mediation you can generate the power of miracles in your life. You can use the life and love force flowing in the Universe to help you be proactive and overcome angry explosions. Enjoy a vocabulary rich in sweet words, positive statements and constructive comments.
Your food diet is also important. Avoid red meat, liquor and fried fats. Eat healthy foods that free up your colon and cool your digestive system. Fresh vegetables and cold fruits help your brain release chemicals which cheer you up and make you feel happier. Look to not eat foods which you notice make you feel depressed or slow. And definitely stay away from liquor which taxes your liver and plays with your emotions.
When most people hear the words homicide and war they think about a conflict between countries or an innocent bystander stabbed to death in the street. This is only one way of looking at it. When your anger hurts others, it is killing them. It kills a piece of their dignity, of their happiness and worse it kills off their trust in you. When fights break out with beatings and broken glass, this is war. However small and isolated, violent angry outbreaks of battles are personal wars resulting from anger. The little things we do in our personal life, add to the bigger problems manifesting in the world. Like the now famous song from The Lion King, “It’s the circle of life”. In western society, the saying is “What goes around comes around.” If you are putting out anger and violence what do you think will be coming back around to you, to your life, family and ultimately coming back around to world at large?
Take each of the 3 steps outlined here with the certainty that you can control your anger instead of being controlled by it. Take each step, one day at a time and never lose sight of how wonderful an anger free life can be. Pretty soon you will not only be dreaming about a peaceful fulfilling life, you will be living one.
–Carlos Duran is a professional writer raised in the mean streets of New York and New Jersey during the Crack Era of the late 80’s and 90’s. His life journey transformed a sinister-mind into one of peace and inspired him to share the spiritual short-cuts he learned with the World. His website http://www.answersyoucanuse.com publishes inside information from leading experts and super-minds on spiritual growth, natural healing and finding love, along with secrets you can use to generate peace, power and prosperity in your own life… To contact the author email: Carlos@answersyoucanuse.com
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Source by Carlos Duran
Unknown to the general public as well as the mass media, millions of people mourning the death of a loved one have an experience in which they are convinced they have received a sign or a message from the deceased or a divine being. However, mourners are often reluctant to widely discuss the event out of fear they will be labeled negatively and lose valuable support in their journey to reinvest in life.
These encounters have nothing to do with a psychic; they are not invoked, but occur spontaneously.
The word spontaneously is a key understanding. As many who have had the experience testify, they were not thinking about the loved one, yet the experience came seemingly out of nowhere—and from an outside source. It was not something manufactured by the unconscious mind.
Of critical importance is the fact that the experience brings solace and comfort and often opens up a whole new level of awareness reconnecting the mourner to their spiritual roots and a new relationship with the deceased.
Regrettably, some family members, counselors (including psychiatrists), and friends of the mourner often dismiss the experience as an artifact of grief, the product of a mind that cannot accept the death of the loved one. Historically, the scientific community has commonly dismissed the contact as an illusion or hallucination. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In general, people who report the experience are as sound and sane as anyone could be. They know they have been given a gift of love and caring to assist in coping with the transition of dealing with the massive changes associated with accepting death. It becomes a significant resource in establishing a healthy continuing bond with the deceased and reduces the perception of isolation so often felt.
Having studied the phenomena for over 25 years, I have chronicled fifteen different types of contacts and labeled them Extraordinary Experiences (EEs). Other researchers have called them after-death communications, while those who receive them often say they are spiritual experiences. They range from sensing the presence or hearing the voice of the loved one to smelling a particular scent or having an incredible dream in which the loved one says he or she is okay. Sometimes a third person is involved, often a child, who is given the experience and then passes it on to the primary mourner. Unusual natural signs of rainbows or the behavior of butterflies, pets, or wildlife as well as the unexpected movement of pictures or objects associated with the deceased have also proved meaningful.
These communications can be used in a variety of ways in coping with loss. For example, memories are important grieving tools and EEs provide a rich network of images for positive recall. They can also be used as a symbol to motivate the mourner to adapt to the changes imposed by loss or as reminder to work on new skills or routines needed in their life without the beloved.
If you have had an Extraordinary Experience, or if you are helping someone cope with the loss of a loved one, make every effort to become aware of the nature of these mysterious gifts, the wide variety of meanings they hold, and the resource they can become for everyone. Love truly lives on and the death of a loved one never means the relationship dies. Our deceased loved ones will always be part of our lives.
You can learn more about EEs by going to http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com/ or http://www.christineduminiak.com or reading some of the books and articles that have been written about this most helpful phenomenon. Use or assist others in using this untapped resource for the rich opportunity it provides in keeping the memory of a deceased loved one vibrant and alive throughout the healing process and beyond.
Unhealthy relationships are like chronic diseases in that they tend to go on for a very long time. But if you are unhappy in a relationship, there are three options, but before we consider them, let us look more closely at why these things happen. If you are hesitant about initiating a break up, it may be because you have made a commitment .
Let us look at the easiest option. It is so easy that you do not have to do anything! That is right – thousands of couples just stay in unhealthy relationships for years on end and never do anything about it. While this is the easiest option, it is often the worst one because it may be impossible to turn the whole relationship round when the time comes to save it or when you want to escape from it.
Let us look at the second option and this is where you have decided to take action because unhealthy relationships cause endless misery and unhappiness. You have had enough so you have opted for action. Easier said than done, of course. You are on a repair mission and this is going to need some clear thinking . You will need an understanding partner or at least a partner who is willing to move from his or her fortress and come down the rocky slope to meet you on the way up!
If you can persuade your partner that you are doing the repair job together then just think of the rewards because you are laying the foundations for a very stable relationship which will last for ever! This option is impossible to carry out solo so make sure you have your partner onboard before you even try. This is a tandem so no lone cyclists in this lane!
Unhealthy relationships are like diseases so sooner or later, the relationship will die. This is the third option where you decide to break up and move on before you both go crazy. It is a bit like euthanasia. This is the point where you cannot bear any longer the arguments, recriminations, accusations, fighting, screaming and corrosive silences. The suffering you are going through now will probably be matched by more suffering on facing loneliness but loneliness will be an acute condition rather than a chronic disease.
You may need help to decide which option to choose and you may need counselling. Counselling can help you with how to repair things in a relationship or if there are mental obstacles, they can help with that too.
To sum up then, unhealthy relationships can be tolerated, repaired or terminated. It is quite simple but deciding will be difficult and you will need all the support you can get so make sure that your supportive friends are recruited to help you.