By: Coyalita Linville B.H.R.S.
Many of us become so afraid of our perpetrator we are afraid to hardly breathe much less leave or try to escape the situation. Some of us survive it and so many others do not whether adults or children. Many of us try to escape yet we are tracked down and tormented relentlessly by the perpetrator to the point that to finally get a few minutes peace we return to find ourselves still in the violence year after year until we just want to commit suicide because there seems to be no other way out of it.
When you have children you are in constant fear they will be killed before your eyes or you will be before theirs. There is no safety, no peace, just a continual fear that makes you terrified that somehow you will displease the perpetrator in one way or another by simply being in their presence. You are told you cannot do anything right, you are stupid, you are ugly, you make them sick, and millions of other put downs they can come up with to make you feel less than their dog and they cheat on you. If you do get guts enough to leave then they want to threaten they are going to kill you, kill your children,parents, children, and any other family as well as kill themselves, if you go, or do not come back home.
You are not allowed to have any money of your own, nor allowed to buy anything for yourself and nothing for the children and let them know it. Pray that they do not see new clothing or anything that you bought for you without their knowledge.
Domestic Violence beats you down until you feel hatred for the perpetrator, you are in constant fear of your life and begin to hate yourself as well because no matter what you seem to do it is not right, not good enough and you are ugly and stupid. For those of us are are able to escape we find ourselves lost with no real direction but to stay free. We have anger issues, low self esteem, and fear within us. What do we do now?
First thing go and get counseling for yourself and children if you have them. If not just go for you. You have been a prisoner, abused, beaten and more than likely have forgotten how to live outside of the violence. KNOW you are NOT ugly, not stupid, and very capable of making it on your own and raising your children on your own if you have them.
Second, when you wake up in the mornings make a promise to yourself that “No matter what I am never going back!” and stick to it, no matter the threats, stalking and what anyone else has to say. Unfortunately we have parents out there that thinks “it is better for you to be with that person than to be alone in the world.” I have heard that one myself.
Third, below are some great self help books you can read if you wish that will help to guide you from those who have experienced what you have been through. Domestic Violence just did not happen in you life there are millions of women and men who experience it daily. And trust me when I say “there is no real love in domestic violence relationships.”
There are ways to escape and live a normal life and there are safe houses as well as agencies who help those alone and with children to get back to a normal life and escape this horrible imprisonment. “YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE.”